Here’s something you need to know: hurting with hope still hurts. The sting of death might have been removed, but it still stings. It hurts like hell even when you know your loved one is in heaven. No, we might not sorrow as those who have no hope, but that doesn’t mean we won’t be sad.
We do a disservice anytime we try to rush people through the process of grief, as though it were spiritual to put a happy face on a horrible thing. Masking pain doesn’t heal it any faster; it actually slows it down and stunts your rehabilitation. Expecting someone to bounce back as some sort of benchmark of holiness is kind of like asking a person who has had an arm amputated if he is over it yet.
There are supposedly stages of grief: denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance.* My experience is that these don’t come so tidily as moving from one zone to other. It’s messy and muddled. You move in and out of the stages at random. They swirl together like an ugly emotional cocktail. Like a novice surfer getting stuck in the foaming white water, when you manage to get up for a breath, out of nowhere comes a wave you didn’t see that takes you over the falls and into a washing machine of pain. Then one day you feel good—and you feel bad for feeling good.
*Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, MD, On Death and Dying: What the Dying Have to Teach Doctors, Nurses, Clergy, and Their Own Families (New York: Scribner, 1969).
Read: Philippians 2:27
2 Corinthians 12:2-4
Philippians 1:21
2 Corinthians 5:8
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From my daily reading plan with YouVersion – Through The Eyes Of A Lion (day #6)
The stages of grief don’t follow a straight line. They do wander in and out over time. But with time the hurt and sadness becomes sweet sorrow.
Everybody needs time for grieving. We should never try to force anybody to be “happy” and stop grieving. It is a natural process and needs time. It will pass away by its natural way while our healing.
Agreed.
Grief is like a tight shoe that only the wearer knows how hard it pinches and where. But in a bid to be ‘helpful’, we want the grieving person to blink away the pains which is unhealthy
Thank you for your comment! Blessed weekend!
Wish you same. Thank you
Thanks a lot!
It’s really a disservice when we rush people through the process of grief because we don’t really know how they feel, and letting them suppress it is like making them carry a huge burden in their already broken hearts.
Well said, Paul! When we let them grieve they will heal. And when we understand what grieving is, when we went through some grieves, we can be a great support for others. Blessed day, Paul!
Exactly. Have a blessed day too, Majka.
🙂